forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
