He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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