Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
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you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
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The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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