That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
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We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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