I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
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I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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