oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
