It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
