If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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