hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
