Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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