she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
