I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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