So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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