Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
