What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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