just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
as a side note pls kill me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
