I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
