no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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