A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
