I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
