I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
