i jhust puked up my retainher.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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