I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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