It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
