he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
