as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
