Duck Duck Cougar?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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