Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
