I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
