And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize