I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Terrible idea I love it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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