Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
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I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
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I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Text me some of your sweat
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