If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
