I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
