your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Duck Duck Cougar?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
