I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
