I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
