dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
