I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
