Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
