Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
