you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
