meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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