You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
