Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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