i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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