Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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