Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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