uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
