Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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