I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
