drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize