god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
