Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
