just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
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My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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