i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
