Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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