Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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