i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
