i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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