It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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