So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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