Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."