are you still at the devil's house?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
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You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?