No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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