Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
