If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
