My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
