i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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