I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
