The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
