Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
