margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
