he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
