do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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