I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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