I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
