We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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