Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My vagina is officially offended.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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