Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
