this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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