she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
