I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I need moral support for this bender
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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